Almost Dessert, But Not Quite

Review of Pete's Tofu-To-Go (originally partially consumed on January 10, 2006)

On Monday, I was at the grocery store, and happened upon what I thought would be an unusual treat, Pete's Tofu-To-Go caramel flavored tofu desserts. I was a vegetarian for 12 years and reverted back to "the dark side" of meat two years ago. So, tofu in general, doesn't frighten me. Like many other Americans after January 1st, I am trying to eat better and was looking for some sweet things at the store that wouldn't break the calorie bank. Plus, spoon was included, which I considered a bonus. Also, they were only a dollar, so I thought there was nothing to lose. Here's a picture of the packaging:

and a close up of the fabulous spoon promise:

And here is an image of said dessert and it's cute little spoon:

I was surprised by the size of the spoon, the handle is just large enough to hold in my hand, but pretty much vanishes upon stirring up the tofu treat. I say "treat", because that is how I thought I'd view this food, until I tasted it.

The first bite filled my tastebuds with an interesting more butterscotch flavor rather than caramel. (Think Wherther's Original) This first bite was immediately followed by the most revolting aftertaste I've ever experienced in my entire life. It was part Splenda, part artificial flavoring, part petroleum product. And it created a film throughout my mouth that stayed until I promptly erased it with multiple gulps of water.

And then, I stirred it. The texture turned from a flan-like light pudding to a half water, half slightly tofu, but clearly something else substance. It created puddles of artificial caramel, but more like butterscotch flavor puddles.

Further stirring reduced the semi-solid consistency to nothing but what I refer to as "tofu turds".

This was possibly the worst food I've ever consumed. I don't know who "Pete" is, but I'm guessing he didn't go to culinary college. Maybe his entire tofu treat was developed by the meat industry to permanently erase the craving for tofu by vegetarians, thus turning everyone back into meat eaters again. Needless to say, I now understand why these were available for "only one dollar!" at my local grocery store.